Hello everyone, I am back sharing my thoughts for another class.

This past week we did a lot of readings out changes that have happened over the years to provide more opportunities and rights to those who have disabilities.  It is amazing to see how far we have come.  We are so blessed to have laws such as ADA and IDEA, including multiple others that provide services to support and help enable children as well as adults who suffer.  While we are blessed however, many suffer.  This link below will take you to a video that may cause heartache and sadness.

Conditions in Serbia

Unfortunately not all other countries have been able to change and make life better for people with special needs.  Serbia is one of them.  It's heartbreaking to see what horrendous conditions children are forced to grow up in.   However, we need to take this knowledge and move forward.  Today we can continue to support children with disabilities around us.  We can help them to succeed, and when able, help those not as fortunate.  It is our privilege to work with children, and give them the ability to succeed no matter what their circumstances are.

Divorce is ugly.

In some cases divorce is necessary, and thus I am grateful for the ease at which people can terminate their marriages.  However, in many of marriages divorce ends in heartache.  Look at the effect on the children, on the extended family, on friends, on the community.  A marriage is not just about the husband and wife.  It is as Dietrich Bonhoeffer says,

“Marriage is more than your love for each other. … In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man. … So love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God.”

The end of a marriage union causes so much negativity.  Look at the pain the once spouses face as they are again alone.  Reflect on the struggles the children have as they are often forced to choose which parent to live with, and who's side to be on.  Think about the awkwardness for the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  And of course, consider the struggles future blended families will have as they try to deal with all of this pain and emotional baggage.

Of course it isn't always possible, but shouldn't the sanctity of marriage be something that we fight for?  This isn't just about our own happiness, we need to look outside ourselves.  Successful marriages take work, effort, sacrifice, compromise, communication, patience, humility, love, and most importantly time.  Don't give up so fast.




*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

Guardian Angels

Today I want to talk about more of a religious thought.  It was something that touched me a lot when I read it, here's the article:

We Believe in the Ministering of Angels

I loved the thought that was discussed, of our ministering angels being our ancestors.  It makes so much sense to me that even after death Heavenly Father works to keep the family unit together.  If God were to send anyone to help us, who would have the best ability to comfort and strengthen us, it would have to be our family.  We grow closest to these people, and they are the ones who know us best in order to help us the most!

As a parent of a struggling child, you have the RIGHT to ask for this help and support. Your ancestors are ready and able to guide and support you as you work to help your own children.

"We are never alone in the work of redemption." God will always send the help that you need, as long as you simply ask.


"Trust God and believe in good things to come." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

Homemaking: A life-changing calling? Or not...?

“Educated woman in the home? What an odd thing to deplore! What better place to have us end up? What more important job is there than sharing the values we are learning with the next generation of adults? What more strategic place could there be for an educated woman?”  Edith Hunter

I tend to agree with this statement, but there are many in the world today who do not and fight for the rights of women in the workplace.  As women succeed more and more in the professional world, they tend to start demeaning the precious role of motherhood.  Reflecting on this subject I turn to my hero, my own mother.

Isn't she beautiful?  I love and look up to her a lot.  This woman is amazing, having done so much for me and my family.  Besides that, I believe that she is the embodiment of the quote I mentioned before.  My mother was lucky enough to have the opportunity to be a full-time homemaker while she was raising us kids.  Looking back, I can see how this positively affected my life then and now. Similarly, I know that her ability to be a good mother was enhanced by her college education, she did not waste her time going to school to "only become a mom".  As a result of the knowledge she obtained, she was able to be a better nurturer and example to her family.  

In an article titled, "A Woman's Education is Not Wasted in the Home" by Jenet Jacob Erickson, the author discusses how much influence an educated mother has. She makes the point that women are the ones who are nurturing the next generation, and an education is needed to better do this!  For example, a woman will have the most influence on her children's cognitive development simply by her use of language in explaining different things.  She will also provide a foundation for a child's social and emotional capabilities simply by knowing how to respond to their needs and showing sensitivity.  

Here's a link to the article:

A Woman's Education is Not Wasted in the Home

I know that there are many woman, who out of necessity, work to support their family or simply choose to do so.  I do not deny the need, or want to put down those who choose this life in anyway.  Women can make a wonderful contribution and have a positive influence in the business world. I just hope that those who have the chance to be a stay-at-home mom take it.  This is a wonderful opportunity to influence the rising generation for good.

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

Marriage is a Struggle AND an Adventure.

Marriage can be tough, take it from a person who is about to hit 5 months of it in a couple of days...(WOOHOO!)

But, also take it from me, that it is the BEST thing in the world and definitely worth the time and effort that it takes to make it work!

I love the adventures that I have with this guy, and wouldn't trade that for the world!

One of the best ways to make this kind of a relationship work is COMMUNICATION.

And one of the most important sides of this is listening.  This, in a lot of cases, can be more important than talking.  It is so vital to feel accepted and loved in a marriage.  So one way to show this, is to actively listen to what your spouse has to say!

Here are some key aspects of good listening:

• Concentrate and take initiative to be focused.
• Consciously decide to put aside distractions.
• Don't cut them off (especially in a disagreement), listen to their side completely!
• Ask questions to clarify meaning.
• Summarize what they have said.
• Practice!

Just remember how nice it is to feel validated by someone you love.  It is so easy to do this by being an active listener, and this will strengthen your marriage if nothing else!

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

Prevention, Coping, Crisis.

"You can't control all of the things that happen in your life, but you can control the way you respond to them."



We will all come across crisis in our lives, but the true test will be whether or not we let this derail our path or let it make us stronger.
This is especially important in family crisis.  When hard trials come along, it can be very easy to grow apart instead of together.  Here are some effective tools for coping:

1. Take responsibility.  Don't play the victimized game.
2. Believe in yourself and your ability to deal with the crisis, affirm your family's worth.
3. Don't forget to take care of yourself, while always making time to take care of those around you.  It's a balancing act.
4. Change the way you perceive the crisis.  Look at it as a way to grow and become better.
5. Find and use your available resources.  This includes extended family members, friends, other social circles, religion, etc.

While these are good tools to use once a crisis has emerged in the family system, I think that it is more important for the family to be prepared to deal.  THIS is what I am going to apply now, in order to have a strong foundation that can withstand hard times.  I want to be a resilient family that has worked together in order to be strong and prepared.

In a family you must:

• Know how to manage conflict well.
• Have relationships that foster problem-solving.
• Hold celebrations such as birthdays, religions holidays, special events, etc.
• Have good communication of emotions and beliefs.
• Have good financial management.
• Have a strong commitment to family.
• Practice good health in physical and emotional.
• Share leisure activities.
• Accept each other, flaws and all.
• Build social network of family and friends.
• Share routines such as family dinner and chores.
• Have traditions that are practiced!

I invite you all to look at this list and see where you can start working harder in order to build a strong, resilient family that can withstand all the trials that are bound to come your way.

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

References:

Lauer, Robert H., and Jeanette C. Lauer.  Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy. Dubuque, IA, Wm. C. Brown Publishers, 2012.

Infidelity and Marriage

*Being a faithful spouse requires much more than avoiding adultery.*

How does that make you feel? What are the other things we should avoid to be COMPLETELY faithful to your one and only?

There are different types of threats to happy marriages. Some of the most common threats today include friends crossing boundaries, Facebook and another social networking sites, pornography, and couples fighting.  In order to avoid these creating rifts in our marriages we must create boundaries against outside forces.  I love the way we discussed this subject in class. Our professor compared the boundaries around our marriage needing to be like a white picket fence.  Imagine a beautiful home surrounded by this quaint boundary...

Looking at this fence what do we notice?

1. It creates a clear and distinct boundary around the home.
2. The shortness of it allows others to talk to those inside the boundaries, but still creates a barrier.
3. The pointy top dissuades anyone from sitting on the fence, they must choose a side.
4. There is an opening that allows others in, but only at that certain place.

Now how can we compare this to a marriage and the boundaries that are needed?

1. There must be clear and distinct boundaries made.  (These can be continually discussed and modified as the relationship changes, but there MUST be conversations about what each person feels comfortable with, especially before they are married.)
2. Spouses can have friends and talk to them, but there is still a distance kept.  They should only turn to their spouse to share personal things in order to build intimacy and closeness.
3. The couple must set up protectors to keep their marriage safe, by defining what actions their boundaries allow.  (Being alone with someone of the opposite gender?  What friends and family are allowed to know about problems? To what extent there are conversations on social media with others?)
4. Others can and will be allowed to be close to the marriage and those in this union.  However, it is only specified by BOTH husband and wife and allowed in at certain places.

One principle to remember, is that anytime anything takes precedence over your spouse, it could be infidelity and infidelity is the opposite of faithfulness. 

How are you strengthening your marriage each day? How are you showing your love and loyalty?

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*