How to keep your marriage happy, and avoid the baby blues..

Guys, I'm not going to lie, after my readings for class this week I was REALLY scared to start having children.  It is so important to me to have a family, and I have always loved children (I mean come on, I chose to be a child development major!), but after hearing that on average couples become less and less satisfied in their marriage with each child that is born, I was a little bit worried.

Not to worry though, there IS hope, and today I want to discuss some ways that a couple can work to stay happy in their relationship even if they end up having 13 children!

The most important thing to remember is the system of the family.  According to Family Systems Theory, the unit of the family is made up of systems and subsystems that work together.  For a marriage to be satisfying, even after births of multiple children, the subsystem that needs to stay the strongest is that of the husband and wife.  What sometimes happens is a strong bond between mother and child, pushing the father out of the equation, but there are specific ways to stop this tragic event from occurring.

• Husband and wife need to plan ahead, anticipating the increase of their workload and the fact that their time able to spend with each other will decrease.  If this is discussed and planned for, many problems will be avoided.
• Throughout the pregnancy, the wife needs to keep the husband an active participant.  Have him come to all of the prenatal appointments, and keep him up to date with the exciting developments, like movement of the baby.
• And after the baby is born, it is crucial for the husband and wife to work as a team.  A trend that is commonly seen is the distance enlarging between the husband and wife as the child becomes more important.  This can lead to a withdrawal of both parties as the husband views his importance and appreciation from his wife decrease, and as the wife sees the husband as selfish for not wanting to help to support with her workload.  This circular causality will never end unless the wife makes a conscious effort to love and appreciate her husband, while the husband does his best to support his wife and help out as much as he can.
• This last suggestion is one of my favorites, because it continues to grow the relationship between the father and the baby, which is very important.  If the dad makes sure to take his turn feeding and changing the baby, along with waking up at night to take care of it, the wife will feel more love and appreciation and have the energy to work on their relationship.

Overall, hard work and love will pay off in the end.  To build a strong and happy family, we must be willing to make the effort.

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

And what would a post about babies be without a cute baby picture?

Credit goes to one of my best friends, Brianna and her cutie pie baby, Paxton!

What is love?

So I guess I talk about love a lot, but hey, I think it's one of the most important qualities needed to forge a happy family and that is what I'm here to discuss. There are many different definitions of love, and apparently different types as well. However, in the end, we know "that love is crucial to [our] well-being". (Lauer and Lauer, 2012).

As I said before, we need to FORGE a happy family, or marriage.  It is not something that just happens.  What we need is WORK.  To continually forge a lasting relationship, I love the three components of Togetherness (sharing experiences), Talk (mutual self-disclosure), and Time. These things take effort.  I know that, but what happens when we stop working hard for things that matter the most in our life?  I have a strong belief that it is God's plan for us to form marital unions and have families.  This is the way to happiness.  As President Uchtorf said, "Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime."

 Yes it's hard to get out of your comfort zone to ask someone on a date.  Yes it's hard to put yourself out there in order to form new relationships.  Yes it's hard to trust someone with your heart when it's already been broken before.  Yes, marriage is hard, but it's worth it.  To make it work there are daily choices necessary to be happy.  I choose happiness, I choose love.

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*



References:
Lauer, Robert H., and Jeanette C. Lauer.  Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy. Dubuque, IA, Wm. C. Brown Publishers, 2012.

All we need is love.

I am overwhelmed every day with the different tragedies that happen all over the world.  If every person on this earth were able to love themselves, and those around them, I think that there would less heartache.  On the other side of this, I am APPALLED at the numerous decisions that are made and policies that are created by those in this country that affect people’s lives, without even considering both sides. Today I want to talk about one issue that is prevalent in our society, and can be very controversial.  As the beginning of my post said, all we need is love, and I hope that as I discuss this topic, the facts I share, alongside my opinion will not offend anyone, but only invite you to take a look at the other side, and remember the importance of LOVE.

Today I want to discuss the policies surrounding the rights of LGTBQ2’s. (I think that’s the official term now, I’m not positive, but you get the point). I’m not here to say whether this lifestyle choice is right or wrong, or if they should be able to get married.  I do, however, want to bring up one policy that can affect these people just as much, but gets a lot less support. To start off with, I want to point out that there is a lot of evidence that biology and genes aren’t the only factor in what brings one to the decision to become gay.  A young boy is a lot more likely if he is sexually abused, rejected by his other male peers, disconnected from his father growing up, raised by an overbearing mother, or introduced to pornography at a young age, and the list goes on.  So, because there are other factors contributing to this lifestyle, some people may not want to have these feelings!  It’s their right, they can choose to change, and that’s why I think it is not okay for a government to outlaw what is being termed as ‘conversion’ therapy.  There have been many success stories, and if it is the choice of the person, this therapy doesn’t cause emotional harm.  We have therapists to help people overcome depression, anxiety, addictions, and other cases.  People don’t want to live that way, so there are means for them to change.  I believe that this is a human right.  We choose how we live, and if we want to and can change, that is okay.

I am not calling that we push all LGTBQ2’S into getting therapy, but I am asking that we leave this choice up to the individual. Love, my friends, is the answer, but it only works if we love BOTH sides and see from EVERY view point.

Here's a great video to watch interviewing success stories.

Understanding Same-Sex Attraction

I want you all to know that I have a very happy family and they each mean the world to me.  I attribute all that I am today to my sweet mother and strong father.  The relationships I have with my siblings, continue to grow, and now I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband.  I know I would not be this happy, or successful in life if my family structure was different.  Let's say for example I wasn't blessed to be raised with a father in the home.  If this were the case, statistically I would be more likely to live in poverty, more likely to have poorer mental and physical health like higher rates of anxiety and depression, and I would be less likely to complete high school.  All of these negative affects simply because of an absence of a second parent in the home. WOW. That small factor can change the path of a child dramatically.  On a side note, I am by no means here to tear down those that are in single parent situations due to no fault of their own, and are working hard.  Many people come out successful from these types of situations! I just want to advocate that stable, happy families needs to become the norm. 

Our culture calls for individualism and freedom, but forgets the importance of a child. I want to change this, I want others to think not just of themselves, but also the future generations.  We talk about our effect on the environment and the stability of our government, but where is the focus on the child? The function of the family as defined by anthropologists is to fulfill sexual relations, reproduction, socialization of children, and economic cooperation.  Many families in the world today are lacking in at least one of these areas.  Let us change this culture.  Let us each work to enact these beliefs of happy family life.  It is possible, and it will provide happiness.

*HAPPY FAMILIES CHANGE THE WORLD*

References:

 Lauer, Robert H., and Jeanette C. Lauer. Marriage and Family: the Quest for Intimacy. Dubuque, IA, Wm. C. Brown Publishers, 1991.